CD25/CD1: Sometimes you just get numb

Life isn't fair to everyone.  There... I said it out loud.  You're just going to have to deal with it.  Sometimes, good things do not happen to good people.  Sometimes, everyone else seems to have what you want.  Sometimes doing the right things does not lead to getting what you deserve.

...Side note... 
I started my day skyping with a dear friend who unfortunately deals with the same crap that I'm going through.  Our conversations usually last at least an hour and consist of a lot of cussing and feeling sorry for each other.  As miserable as it sounds, it is therapeutic beyond belief.  I know she reads this blog and I know she was hoping so badly for me to make a different kind of post today, but I just wanted to send her a shout out and say "I love you, vanilla face, and I hope that some day everything works out.  I'm rooting for you sooo hard."
.....OK... back to your regularly scheduled programming. 

Around lunchtime, I started spotting.  That's not really normal for me, so I tried to remain hopeful.  I drove back from my inlaws and could feel the cramps starting.  It has continued to get heavier and crampier and about an hour ago, I pronounced this cycle officially over and a f-ing failure.  I didn't even make it the full freaking 2 week wait.  It is pretty discouraging when your doctor tells you everything went perfectly and it still doesn't work.

I've only cried a little.  I really am having a hard time feeling anything.  Maybe I don't want it to be real?  Maybe I just don't know if I'm supposed to be sad, pissed off, hopeful for another chance, scared of what's to come, or just indifferent.  The one thing I can definitely feel is pain in my heart.

Tomorrow morning I will have to call and ask my doctor what to do next and when.  It's a call that I was desperately hoping I wouldn't have to make.  Like I said, there's nothing fair about this.