A few days ago, I took my pants off for a different reason. I wasn't waiting to get probed by the vag cam. Wasn't waiting for them to stick me with needles. Wasn't waiting for my doctor to tell me any more bad news. I had a day off work, drove myself to Columbus, and got a 1 hour full body therapeutic massage.
It was AMAZING.
From my toes to my scalp, I just allowed myself to be pampered. Although I couldn't totally shut my brain off for the entire hour, I tried very hard to push all thoughts of how incredibly sucky life has been out of my mind and let the masseuse dig the stress out of my neck, shoulders, and back. In fact, during the massage, when she reached my neck muscles, she stopped and asked "um, what is wrong with you?" HA! I guess it's now medically proven that I carry the stress of this world on my shoulders - literally.
Afterwards, I picked up lunch, and headed to one of my best friends' house. We ate, played with her son, and I laid on her living room floor for about 4 hours just talking about anything and everything. GLORIOUS.
Then, I left to drive home, and ate Arby's cheese sticks and a diet dr. pepper for dinner in the car. CLASSY.
Right now, I have no idea of what day of the cycle this is and I do not care. I haven't updated the blog in a long time mostly because I have been in a very dark place for the last few weeks. We are benched again due to cysts and I am so angry at life. I will update in the next few days with details about what comes next in the quest for our baby, but until then, just know that life in my world sucks. I'm trying to cope as well as I can, and the above story is a way that I tried to make it through.
I don't have kids. There are a lot of things that I cannot do while I'm in a treatment cycle. So I took advantage of both of those things and took an entire day to be lazy, relaxed, and do/eat/say/think whatever the hell I wanted. After all the craziness I've been through, I deserved it.
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