Hurry up and freaking wait

Happy Valentines Day, peeps.  This used to be one of my favorite days of the year.  This year, not so much, but then again, I don't have a lot of favorite things lately.  If you're looking for hearts and flowers and sweetness, look away... quickly, 'cause you aren't gonna find any of that crap here today. 
Wah wah wah... blah blah blah.

Our journey to parenthood has of course not been much fun, and it's seeming to intensify in it's suckiness. Yesterday, I played phone tag 6 times trying to be able to talk with a nurse at my clinic.  You have to keep leaving voicemails, and then they call back, but when you have my job, you are never able to answer the phone.  I called to ask 2 questions:
- How bad was the endo?  Mild, moderate, severe, trainwreck?
- I have 3 days of birth control pills left, then will start next cycle.  Can I please pick back up with treatment?

Pretty easy questions in my opinion.  Well, nothing is easy when you are an infertile.  This is what the nurse said when I finally got to talk to her:
"Hi Jen, I talked to Dr. M and he said that he talked with your husband right after surgery to tell him everything, but yes, he did find endometriosis.  Also, you have to have a post-op visit before we can come up with a plan.  Let's go ahead and get that scheduled for next week."
So... a lot of talking, but no answers to the questions. 

I heard back from them today, telling me that he wants me to continue on with another pack of bc pills, without letting myself have a period, so my fingers are crossed that means that he is maybe considering letting me start back up after I see him on the 22nd.  All I know for sure is that I had a mini-meltdown yesterday when I was realizing how long we have been at this and that we might be on the cusp of adding another wasted month.  OY!  My mind works like this:
'Ok, I let you cut me open, you cleaned my shit up, now let's get the freaking ball rolling and knock me up already, like now!'
My mom got frustrated with me yesterday while I was venting, telling me that I just had surgery and need to cool it and stop acting like my father.  I understand that (all three of those things are true), but it seems to be pretty hard for everyone to understand that I am now in month #18 without a positive test, or much of anything positive for that matter. 

Take a moment, soak that in.

  18 months.  

And I can't do a damn thing about it.  

Depressing, right?  Sorry...

I'm just in one of those moods and I've learned that I just have to wait until the mood passes.  In a few days, I'll be 'fine' again and able to force my fake smiles and act like I'm functioning at a high level.  But for today, I just want to be pissed. 

Just so I don't leave you all feeling like you just watched a super sad movie, I'll post a pic of my sweet valentine.  She still loves me, pissed or not.