As I sit here watching the Biggest Loser Finale show, I can't help but to be sad about the not-so-awesome changes that my body has gone through over the last 19 months. I have gained 15-18 pounds since our wedding (it's hard to know what my 'exact' weight is as it fluctuates a lot with the meds). I'm not allowed to run, do tae bo, kickbox, or anything else that causes jiggling or bouncing of my ovaries. Hyperstimulation (what I've been doing since August) of the ovaries causes them to enlarge. If you jostle them too much, they can twist and cut off the blood supply, and your ovaries can die. I may have said that in a previous post, but it still blows my mind that it's true. Everything on me is bigger, except for my self confidence, which is much smaller.
So let me get this straight... infertility causes depression which causes a lack of energy or will to do much of anything. The hormones that I am pumping my body full of cause you to gain weight. Because I am taking those hormones, I am not allowed to work out, which causes me to gain more weight. My ass bigger... and definitely not amused.
There's also "the bloat". For me, my body does this a few days after my trigger shot and lasts for about a week. It started Saturday when I woke up, had to pee SO bad, and hardly could. Today, it got even worse, so I took a picture for you. I'm not happy about it, but I suppose it's good to show what all of these shenanigans are doing to me.
So me, my 3-4 month pregnant looking stomach, and my grumpy mood are signing off for the evening. Hoping that tomorrow is nicer than today in all aspects, and that I don't have to wear my maternity pants and can zip up a regular pair. Baby steps of hoping in my quest and hope for a baby I suppose.
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