Egg Retrieval and Growing Vibes

THURSDAY was the big day.  We got up at 5am, and got to Akron around 7:30.  Instead of collecting a sample at home, Ryan preferred to do it there just in case we got stuck in traffic or something unexpected.  That's the last thing we needed was to suck all these eggs out of me and then have a bunch of dead sperm on our hands.  So, there I was, the only person in the waiting room, waiting for my husband to make his deposit.  It was the calm before the storm... almost deafening silence in there. 
Ryan came back triumphant and the nurse almost immediately took me back to get me gowned up.  Of course, she had to stick me twice and dig like crazy to get my IV started (grrrrr).  They let Ryan come back for a few minutes to sit with me because my doctor wasn't there yet (surprise, surprise).  I had gotten up extra early to do my hair and makeup because I wanted to take some pictures, but I ended up being to nervous to do anything but sit there and stare at the wall.  Then all of a sudden it was time to go. 
Back in the mini O.R. the nurse got me up on the table and heart monitors and such hooked up.  We had a conversation about Propofol: I wanted to know how she was going to wake me up from it so I didn't end up like Michael Jackson.  She giggled, but I was a little serious.  Then, after much waiting, the door burst open, in walks my doctor, he pats me on the cheek and says it's time to do this, and before I can say something witty, I turn my head just in time to see the propofol being pushed, and I was instantly O.U.T. 
I don't know how long it took, but I remember waking up and they were transporting me into a recliner looking chair that had wheels.  They wheeled me back in with Ryan and let me try to get my wits about me again.  I wasn't feeling any pain quite yet, but I was extremely anxious... and probably a little irritable if you asked my husband.  One of the embryologists poked her head in the door and asked how I was doing.  When I said fine, she told me that they got 12 eggs.  She said it in a manner that sounded positive, but before she could peek her head back out, I was already in tears.  I was hoping for many more than 12.  At that point, I just wanted to get the hell out of there, so I told the nurse I was feeling great and asked to get dressed... all the while still fighting back tears. 
Now mind you, when I had my first monitoring ultrasound, my doctor told me he guessed that we would get around 12 eggs.  So this should be a good thing, right?  Except for I don't like to do anything unexceptionally and my overachieving crazy ass wanted 20-25, only because I know that some people get that and that it was possible. 
Anyway, I went home, took some Vicodin, and slept on the couch for the rest of the day.  In a nut shell, I looked about 4 months pregnant, I couldn't fully pee, and it felt like someone punched me in the stomach about a thousand times.  Not so fun.  But, I found out that Vicodin really helps me sleep soundly... haha. 

FRIDAY: 1st Phone Call from Embryologist
I sat on pins and needles all morning Friday waiting for my phone to ring.  When they finally called, it wasn't as good of news as I was wanting.  Of my 12 eggs, only 8 were mature, and of those, only 7 fertilized.  So in a days worth, I went from 12 chances to 7.  The embryologist sounded a little discouraged on the low maturity rate, but was happy that 7/8 fertilized.  Then he said "Well, next time, we will have to try some different drugs to try to get a better maturity rate."  Um, I'm sorry.... There better not freaking be a next time! 
For the next 2 days as I recovered on the couch, all I could think about was my 7 little embryos in those petri dishes, and how absolutely crushed I would be if they all start dying.  I mean, obsessive.  Fully.  Like hours at a time on the internet researching the survival rates for 1 day old embryos.  Ridiculous, but true. 

SUNDAY: 2nd Phone Call from Embryologist
Again, pins and needles all morning waiting on the phone call.  When it came, I was much happier than the last.  All 7 (my husband calls them the lucky #7) were still alive and growing.  She said that a few of them have pulled ahead of the pack and look like the rockstars, but as of today, there's nothing wrong with any of them.  Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh, relief.  It's funny how attached I am to them already and they only have between 6-10 cells right now.  I mean, they are my kids.  Literally, my kids.  I try not to think too deeply about it or I get all teary eyed.  PLEASE don't die.  PLEASE just hang in there for 37 more hours so I can put you back where you belong! 

This whole thing is a crazy ride, but the last few days have been nerve wracking and painful.  It seems so close, yet so far away still.  Our embryo transfer will be Tuesday at 1:00.  We are just hoping and praying that they all make it until then.  Come on Lucky #7, mama's rollin' the dice.......  

Triggered!

Today we took one more step towards our hope of becoming parents.  We triggered and are scheduled for egg retrieval surgery Thursday morning at 8:00am.  Yahooooo.

It's not without a little bit of drama though.  During the ultrasound, I had a 21mm, a 20mm, a 18.5 and a 18mm follie... and then a bunch of other ones that were growing but not quite 18mm yet.  My doctor's rule is they trigger when you have 4 follicles bigger than 18, so I qualified for my HcG shot today.  But then, he had to go and F with my mind and stand there and debate what to do with me.  He was going back and forth for at least 5 minutes which was excruciating for me.  Basically, he was debating whether to let the eggs grow for an extra day and let more of the small ones catch up, or go ahead and go with what we have now.  My estrogen levels had increased nicely from 660 to 2300.  The deciding factor was that my progesterone has started to increase.  It was 1.2 yesterday and apparently if it gets to 2.5 that "is a very bad thing."  I'm not sure why, but I think it has something to do with the progesterone decreasing the quality of the eggs.  So with that, he said "let's do this." 

After I got dressed, I headed out and nurse Leslie mixed my trigger shot for me and put it in a baggie for me to take home.  Then she went through a 5 page packet of instructions for the next few days and all the different medications and injections I'll need to add now.  They sent me home with the trigger and I headed to work for the rest of the day. 

The trigger shot needs to be given exactly 35 hours before egg retrieval to allow enough time for the eggs to go through their final maturation process, but after 36 hours, you run the risk of ovulating on your own, which is the worst thing that could happen, as they would never be able to find the eggs once they are released from the follicles.  So, my trigger had to be given at 9:00pm tonight.  My hubby is queasy and unable to give me my shots that have to go in the butt, so I had to call on my mama. 

For some reason, I have a feeling she kinda enjoyed jabbing me with a needle.  She was proud of me that I didn't even flinch, but pretty irritated that I was going to take her picture.  She wants a disclaimer put in here that she had just gotten out of the pool and didn't do her hair or makeup.

So, there's no turning back now.  In less than 2 days we will know how many eggs we have and shortly thereafter will know how many fertilized.  And, in less than a week, I will have embryos inside of me trying to snuggle in, implant, and turn in to our baby.  Hold on tight!

Almost there...

Well, I'm getting pretty hopped up on the drugs and it's finally doing something.  Today, my follies were much bigger than Friday, which made me very happy because I feel like I'm carrying around two grapefruits in my abdomen.  I'd be pretty sad if I had all that pressure and yuck and not have seen growth.  However, we aren't quite cooked enough I guess.  My doc likes to trigger when you have 4 follicles at or above 18mm big.  Today, we had 1 at 19mm, 2 around 17mm, and then a bunch around 12-15.  So, more needles, more drugs, and more waiting (impatiently). 

I go back tomorrow morning for another blood draw and ultrasound.  We will either get the green light to trigger tomorrow evening (mama gets to give me that shot) or I will have to go back again on Wednesday and we will trigger that evening.  At this point, it doesn't really matter to me.  We are already way off schedule, so I just will do whatever he says is the right thing to do.  Work can wait I suppose.

Speaking of work, we bought a building today.  No big deal.  hahah.
I'll include more about that later, but I think it's going to be awesome and I'm so happy that everything worked out.  So, now I have 2 practices, 2 buildings, 1 associate doctor, 1 house, 2 almost paid off cars, and 1 amazing husband... everything that I can control is in place... now, we just need 1 (or 2 or 3) babies to finish the picture.  If only I could control that too....  

Finally some growth... and a big dose of generosity

We had our second monitoring appointment on Friday morning and we finally have something happening.  The right ovary had 6 follicles, the largest one at 10mm and the left ovary had 5 that he measured, all less than 9mm.  I believe that there a few more smaller ones in there, but my doc was a little preoccupied talking to my husband about music and baseball.  This annoyed me a bit, but I was just so relieved to see something in there that I let it slide.  He told me to stay on the higher dose and that I don't have to come back until Monday morning. 

 Ovary with no follicles

Ovary with growing follicles.  Somewhere in those bubbles is a tiny egg.

Due to the increased dose of follistim that we did not anticipate, I was quickly running out of meds.  I had signed up for the Out Of Pocket Meds Donation program on my message board community.  The program matches women who had successful cycles and no longer need some of their pre-ordered medications to women who are getting ready to start their cycles and do not have insurance coverage for infertility.  Although friends and family try very hard to understand what this process can do to you, the only people that can possibly fully "get it" are those who have actually walked these treacherous footsteps. 

Friday, I was doubly blessed.  I was matched with a woman named Maria from New York who had a vial of 900 units of follistim.  I paid for her to overnight it to me.  900 units of follistim would have cost me another $762.  So, due to someones extreme generosity toward a perfect stranger who they only have an empathetic connection to, my day got better.  Then, at the doctor's office, my favorite nurse Leslie gave me 2 more vials of 300 units.  So, in one day, I was donated another $1,270.00 worth of egg producing meds.  I can't imagine having to put that much more money on my credit card at this point.  I am so thankful. 

My package with donated follistim... better than any Christmas present I've ever gotten.

Quinn was pretty happy too

My free meds for the cycle.  I wish all of them were free.

How it all works....

Today is day 7 of stims.  I'm starting to feel a little full in the ovary zone and the headaches are pretty constant at this point.  I am wishing and hoping and praying and begging that the increased dose of follistim was enough to get my ovaries to stop taking their sweet ass time.  We head to the doctor tomorrow at 8:30 for another check and I'm happy Ryan can go with me since he is off work.

I've had a few friends and family members say that they are kinda unsure how this whole thing works.  These 2 videos should give you a pretty good overview of what we are doing. 







 And because I'm a little tired from floating in the pool today, here's a little photo dump for you to finish off the night. 

Meds Schedule

Boxes of Meds

Here's what's going inside of me... olggggg.

 Few days old from day 5 of stims...

And here's my princess puppy hanging out with me in the pool today.

Slow Start

Well today was my first monitoring appointment after starting the stimulating injections 4 days ago.  I am on a dose that is almost 3 times stronger than what I've been on before.  One would think that this would produce a lot of eggs pretty quickly.... One would be wrong. 

The vag cam showed a bunch (maybe around 8) super tiny follicles on the right ovary.  And the left had one super tiny one.  I, of course, immediately started to panic as I was staring at the screen, begging to see some nice looking follicles.  Doc noticed this and calmly told me that everything is fine, and that my ovaries are just having a hard time waking up from the lupron that put them to sleep.  I, the skeptic, didn't buy into his calmness. 

Before he left the room he patted my head and told me to stay on the same dose unless they called later that afternoon.  They had to wait to get the estrogen levels back from my blood work before he would know for sure.  Well, around 4:30, the nurse called and said that my E2 levels were pretty darn low and that he wants to increase the dose to try to speed things up a little.  So tonight, instead of 300, I injected 450units at once.  I am scheduled to go back Friday morning and will have another blood draw and ultrasound.  The hope is that there will be some decent looking follicles and that I don't get set back too many days. 

It's getting a little stressful because I have taken off work for certain days this next week based on the estimates that they gave me, but now, it's looking like all of those estimates will end up being incorrect.  There's still a chance that they will catch up, but I guess I won't know that for sure until I see it happen. 

So, it's been a slightly disappointing day, but not awful.  I guess being a constant overachiever makes me feel like I'm not growing follies as well as I should or could be.  There's not much that I can do about it, other than keep jabbing myself in the stomach, so that's what I shall do. 

Ready or not... Commence the Crazy.

Annnnnnnnddddd.... We're Off!

For the last 2 weeks, I've been on Lupron, birth control pills, baby aspirin, antibiotics, and prenatal vitamins in the hopes to shut all my hormones and ovaries down.  My doc explains IVF to me like this... you can either ramp up your ovaries super fast and then try to quickly shut them back down to retrieve the eggs before you can ovulate, or you can suppress your system so you cook your eggs low and slow (like a good brisket) and then hopefully have better timing in retrieval.  He says it's the difference between driving down a hill as fast as your car will go and slamming on the brakes at the bottom, or coasting down with your foot constantly lightly on the brake.  It's a lot easier to stop if you are coasting. 

My Lupron packet

So, anyhoo, we were on what they call the long lupron protocol.  Downfall was 5 pound weight gain, and having to wait a longer time before you start growing follicles.  Good news is that we will hopefully get more mature eggs at the end of the road.  It has been extremely frustrating though to wake up at 6am every morning, weekends included, and shoot myself in the stomach knowing that it's shutting everything down and not getting any closer to growing some follies.  It's like a kid on Christmas morning having to wait while everyone opens their presents in a circle one at a time.  It Takes For-FREAKING-Ever!

Well today, it's my turn on Christmas morning.  I went to Akron yesterday.  Had a vag cam & bloodwork and was told that I was sufficiently suppressed.  So now, we get to grow some eggs.  I dropped the lupron down to 5 units (from 10) and will continue taking that each morning (the foot gently on the brake).  But this evening, I got to start my Follistim. 

When we were doing IUI, I would inject 125units every night.  This usually resulted in 3-4 follicles at the end of the cycle.  Now, with IVF, we go big.  300units every night.  I like this needle much more than the lupron one.  Less pinch for sure. 

This is what $254 dollars looks like.

One of these every night...

 Day #1

I injected the Follistim about an hour ago and can already feel a nice little headache coming on.  But I'll take it.  Give me headaches, give me fatness, give me bruises like this from hitting veins:

Give it all to me... just please give me a baby when it's all over and done.  

5 pounds in 6 days... Impressive

Last Friday, I started my suppressing injections.  The drug is called Lupron, but it might as well be called sticks-of-pure-butter-every-fried-food-chocolate-coated-everything.  I have put on an additional 5 pounds... on top of the 15 that I have already gained during this 2 year process.  I have a double chin, my face is swollen, my arms jiggle, my ass has a nametag that says 'Kardashian', and my stomach is already starting to swell.  Sweet Baby Jesus. 

The kicker is that Lupron is not stimulating anything good to grow.  It's job is to put my ovaries and reproductive organs to sleep.  5 pounds may not sound terrible, but I just keep imagining how much more will come when I actually start stimulating eggs.  I would post a picture of me, except for I don't want to, so you'll just have to imagine the puffiness. 

Tomorrow is my last birth control pill (hopefully for my entire life).  I will continue injecting 10units of Lupron, taking doxycycline twice a day, baby aspirin, and prenatals until Friday the 12th, which is when the craziness starts and we get to finally grow some (hopefully lots) of eggs. 

So basically, the point of this post is to whine.  That's the great thing about this blog is I get to say whatever I want.  I want to say that I'm pissed off that I look like this.  Grr.